Humor

You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers! Our friend Where’s The Flash (WTF) is back once again to help you handle issues with life, photography and anything that rhymes with “orange.” And as usual, if he doesn’t know, he’ll be proud to lie to you. Either way, you get the answers you deserve. If you missed his story last time, click here.

Dear WTF,
My gf is so dumb, last week she ask me if Beirut hit more home runs than Mickey Mantle. She believes that Circadian Rhythm is the tune played by 17-year locust. Can you believe it? Any who, she said if I take a picture of a lightning bolt I could get electrocuted. She’s wrong, right? Winner gets a Bulging Waffle from Denny’s.
(signed) Luke Warm

Welcome back, Tepid,
Let’s solve this one empirically. Next time it rains, put a slice of American cheese between two pieces of bread, wrap it in foil and put it in your back pocket. Go outside and take pictures. If you’re not hit by lightning, you win. If you do get blasted by a bolt, you lose—but your girlfriend gets a grilled cheese sandwich out of the deal.

Dear WTF,
Here’s a riddle for you.  What does a black & white picture become if you drop it into bucket of purple water?
(signed) Perple Wayne

Dear Perp,
Wet.

Dear WTF,
I hear you be like real good with technical stuff. So tell me, how does autofocus work? I need it for homework at school.
(signed) Dumez F.

Dear Dum,
Autofocus works great. Thanks for asking.

Dear WTF,
I wear white cotton socks with penny loafers, my car is an '83 Yugo and my camera is always set on f/16. Am I worthless?
(signed) Spilda Beers

Dear Spill,
No, you’re not worthless. You’re a perfect bad example. Of everything.

Dear WTF,
I want to buy a mirrorless camera but I can’t make up my mind. I want something that will last for a long time. What camera do you think will be the most popular in 15 years?
(signed) Stylana Fence

Dear Styl,
Let me look into my crystal ball. Hmm, looks like in 2035 the number one favorite camera is something called the Sony Alpha 7 Mark 27. Close behind is the Fujifilm X-100Z. Some things never change.

Dear WTF,
I am president of the Flat Mooners Society. All of us here at FMS believe that the moon is flat. Which is why we never see the back side, cause there isn’t one. We are all wondering how you feel about this position.
(signed) Professor Ya Siam

Hey Ya,
Looks flat to me. See above. BTW, do you have a twin?

Dear WTF,
I am a stranger in your country and do not understand all of the rules. I recently took my entire family shopping at a camera store in [name withheld]. I asked the salesperson a question and she just held up a small pocket mirror. I do not understand. Please can you explain?
(signed) Noh Greencard

Dear Noh,
Let me guess – did you ask her to show you something simple?

Dear WTF,
My photography teacher told me to shoot portraits at 1/60^th of a second, but I know that the speed of light is much faster than that. Was he pulling my leg or just stupid?
(signed) Len Zcap

Dean Len,
Just use a Skylight filter with supersonic coating and everything will be fine. You can order one from me for $89 plus $12.95 shipping.

Dear WTF,
I didn’t know how to undo the Caps Lock on my keyboard so I called tech support. They told me to change my password and to be careful since passwords are case sensitive. I don’t want to call them back but I need to know: are numbers case sensitive too?
(signed) U. Noem Knott

Dear U,
No, numbers are not case sensitive, but they can be very shy – which explains why they are sometimes moved to their own pad. Just to be on the safe side, try wearing gloves when you type.

—Jon Sienkiewicz